Welcome...
PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT THE SUPPORT GROUP IS NOW CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. My work continues. Please read below.
RESEARCH - INfIDELITY and TALK SHOWS
I have been asked by several talk show producers to appear on public television to discuss infidelity issues. They have asked me to bring a couple who was willing to discuss their problems. I have refused all requests due to respecting my couples privacy.
I am currently conducting a formal research project that deals with couples who have been hurt by infidelity and have appeared on talk shows, i.e. Oprah Winfrey.
The study will look at the pros and cons of revealing personal information on National television.
If you have appeared on a talk show to discuss your situation, please contact me. Your name will be kept confidential.
Please contact me at: 561-685-3933. You will be sent a questionnaire and have a telephone interview with me.
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The most exciting and fulfilling part of my practice is being a part my client's growth. It is an honor to partner with you through your journey. I continue to do my work with loving care, sensitivity, compassion and wisdom. I have had years of experience working with men and women who have had affairs. I have helped couples restore their trust and/or move forward in their lives.
What else do I do:
I have been a counselor for over 25 years. I am currently working full time in a cancer facility as an Oncology Social Worker. I help patients and families adjust to their disease. I am able to help cancer patients who cannot receive their costly oncology drugs receive assistance. I am their advocate. I help the elderly receive home cooked meals and home health care. I see patients face to face in my office as well, and am a resource for the American Cancer Society since I am a facilitator of cancer support groups.
I have dedicated my life to helping people heal from emotional pain whether it be from relationship issues, drug or alcohol abuse, co-dependence, parenting issues, illness and grief and loss.
As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I care for the whole person within the environment. I am sensitive to many issues and maintain a non-judgmental attitude. The feedback that has been given to me over the years is that I am "naturally therapeutic"
Lately, I have been traveling to halfway houses to provide
provide services for men and women who have had their driver's licenses revoked. Transportation issues prevent
clients from attending needed counseling sessions.
I do this because they have made a commitment to stay sober. Due to these difficult economic times,I have reduced my professional fees in order for them to receive services.
I love the work that I do and cannot think of anything else that I'd rather do.
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Infidelity Hurts! Don't let anyone kid you that the pain of infidelity is easy to get through! It takes a lot of hard work if you want to stay in your marriage. It appears infidelity is on the rise. I am seeing more and more couples in my office these days that are wounded by infidelity.
I challenge you to improve your marriage....and identify if your marriage is worth saving.....
Are you wondering how to get over intrusive thoughts? Are you visualizing the affair? Are you afraid to trust again?
I will be able to help you through this horrendous experience.
MY GIFT TO YOU!
I will send the book "Infidelity Reflections" -free of charge to you May 8 - May 15, 2009. Please email me if you would like the book shipped to you free of charge.
(lcsw@drbalternatives.com)
For the Unfaithful Hurt Partner:
Do you want to learn what it takes to rebuild trust? Do you want to learn how to create a safe environment for your hurt partner? Do you want to stay in your marriage? Do you want your partner to forgive you? Contact me so I can teach you how to work through the pain and process of recovery.
Call 561-685-3933. I look forward to working with you.
What do you think your spouse needs to feel loved? What do you need to be loved? I can help you create a plan that works to keep your marriage alive.
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SAVING MARRIAGES - Take a trip to Florida
For Couples who are serious about healing their relationship. Are you ready?
I teach couples how to restore trust.
Top reasons to contact me
I will teach you how to:
Understand and comfort your partner even when you disagree. (conflict resolution)
Tell your partner what you want instead of expecting your partner to know.(To avoid mind-reading)
Stand your ground when it matters. (Direct communication, building your own self-esteem, and assertiveness) show your support for your partner's goals.
Listen to your partner. (show affection, show love, empathy, interest)
Learn why a sincere effort to change can make a significant difference in your marriage. (People can usually recognize imposters)
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Words of Wisdom!
Getting through your recovery you will need to take care of yourself. Please print this contract.
My Contract For Self-Care (You may print for personal use)
I am an important person.
I will continue to take care of myself.
I will start and exercise program to help my sadness and angry feelings. My exercise program will help to raise my self-esteem.
I will do something special for myself each day. ex. Buy some flowers, get a facial, massage, buy a book, watch a good movie, take a walk, call a friend, take a trip, go out for lunch, take a bubble bath, start a new hobby, take an academic course, join a bowling league, walk or run for a charity, take dance lessons, go golfing, fishing.
I will start a journal to write down my feelings.
I will talk out my feelings with a trusted person.
I will keep talking all I want about this.
I will realize I am grieving and that these feelings will pass.
I will realize I have the strength to recover, and I will. I will come out of this stronger than I have ever been. I will accept the things that I have no control over.
I will go one day at a time. Signature_____________________________ Date__________________________________ copyright 2004
Please go to this page for relaxation exercises;
http://www.purplepill.com/nexium_users/relaxation/relax.aspx
PREVENTING AFFAIRS BECAUSE THEY DO HAPPEN! ...WORDS OF CAUTION!
You probably wonder how you can prevent an affair from happening in your marriage. One way is to confide in your partner. Your partner should be the person who is closest to you. By connecting with another person on the deepest emotional level, you are inviting trouble. It is easy to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex especially if you cannot speak to your spouse. If you feel you cannot open up honestly to your partner, you are at risk for an affair. Talking openly about your feelings of wanting to have an affair is helpful in avoiding an affair. If this hits home, please seek help.
Tip for healing: Journal writing is well recognized as a valuable tool to develop understanding and sort out what you are feeling. Personal journal writing gives us an opportunity to reflect on what we have learned and to make connections between our own ideas, feelings and other people's knowledge. When we feel confused, anxious and overwhelmed, writing our thoughts down can help sort out our emotions and situations. It will help you to see your situation in a new light. Keeping a record of our feelings helps us to look at how our feelings, perceptions and thoughts have changed over time. Try to spend 15 minutes a day writing down your thoughts and feelings. At the end of the week, read it. You can evaluate your progress each week. Sit in a comfortable chair, take a deep breath, and start writing. Keep it up for 20 minutes without stopping. See what comes out. If you are having trouble putting your finger on what's bothering you,this may help you narrow the field. Another journaling tip, is to focus a 20-minute writing session on a problem or concern that keeps coming back to your mind over and over. Write down, in detail, what it is about this problem that worries or angers you. Predict three different scenarios for what might happen next. Which one do you like best and why? What role might you play in making each scenario come to pass? Just remember, that how you write is not important. You're not going to be graded. Jot down phrases, skip the punctuation if you feel like it. This doesn't have to be perfect. To make the process more pleasing, buying a journal that you will really enjoy using -- perhaps one with pictures, or one with colored pages -- and using pens or colored pencils that are fun and appealing. Just start to write. Don't expect your writing to be monumental. It's the process that's important.
RESEARCH
We received this email. We are pleased to be able to help.
I am Ebony Utley, a researcher and professor at California State University Long Beach conducting a study about black women and infidelity. I am looking to interview black women from southern California who are between the ages of 21 and 75 who are or have been legally married and whose partner engaged in extramarital intercourse.
Black women between the ages of 21 and 75 who are or have been legally married and whose partner engaged in extramarital intercourse are invited to participate in an interview for a research project about black women's experiences with infidelity. Inspired by the mounting numbers of men, mistresses, and mainstream media outlets that are publicly addressing infidelity, I am compiling the narratives from the infrequently publicized perspective of black wives. Understanding how black women experience infidelity could benefit individuals as they make sense of personal experiences with and mediated representations of infidelity. If you would like more information about participating in one hour and a half interview, please email Ebony Utley at utley@hotmail.com.
Since 1998 the DRB Alternatives site has been enormously successful at providing on-line help
and hope for people dealing with issues relating to infidelity.
Here is what some of our members have said …
“I want to thank you for this board. I have been going to counseling for a long time
and reading posts on this board has meant more to me. It has validated feelings that I couldn’t
explain (like going from loving thoughts of my husband to hating him). I have learned that
there is compassion for everyone on this board because we all understand the pain of betrayal.
This board is something I do just for me and it sure helps!!”
“I have a home here in this community. This site has had a significant impact on
my own travails. It is cruel irony that, at a time when you most need support, you find yourself
seemingly alone with your pain and sadness. One good thing to come from all of this: I have
been more able to express (my) emotions. You won’t always agree with the postings, but
this site is guaranteed to help you develop healthier ways of dealing with this horrible trauma.”
“My therapist too thinks that this is a very positive step, and helpful in the healing
process. He was happy to hear that there is such a site. He thought it was great that I was
sharing my story as well, and not just reading other people’s postings. Don’t know
what I would have done without all of you...”
“Thank you for this board. It has been a sanity saver for so many of us. I wonder
if you know how much and how many of us this message has helped, how very grateful most of
us are to have happened upon this place.”
“For so many of us this is the calm in the storm. Thank you again for this oasis.
God bless you for this service.”
*Please Note – To protect the privacy of our community participants we have
omitted their names and/or internet handles.
Our Site is Changing, Not Our Message
Based on the positive feedback we received, we knew we were on the right track. However, we
also realized that with so many people visiting our site, it was becoming difficult to manage.
Since our goal was to offer meaningful help to those serious about healing themselves and helping
others, we have decided to make our site open only to those who make a commitment to join the
group.
This “members only” venue gives people a safe environment in which to connect with
others who wish to heal and to start over. * Our site is especially valuable to those who may
not have a support group available in their community, or who, for whatever reason, are more
comfortable with an on-line group. Our site provides self-help support with the feel of a face-to-face
group.
For those who are in counseling and for those who are not
Whether people are receiving formal counseling or not, this group can provide valuable feedback
and encouragement from other people dealing with the same issues. In fact, many referrals to
our group will come from therapists and employee assistance professionals, who believe that
this community will help their clients through the healing process.
Members who are currently in formal counseling may invite their therapist to visit and evaluate
our site. (Therapists, who wish to visit, must provide their name and state license number to
us for verification.) We also have guest speakers on the site from time to time, and any therapist
interested in becoming a guest speaker should contact us with credentialing information.
Our new site offers several self-help options for our members. A Message Board will be available for postings and the site will, of course,
remain open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Membership is open to all who are hurting and healing from the pain of infidelity, and to those
who wish to learn, grow and share perspectives with others who care. Our goal is to keep this
community safe and supportive, free from conflict and stress—a place where members can
come together to help one another.
Membership Information
Membership information will be kept strictly confidential. Your name and other personal information
will never be shared with any other member or organization.
Your $12.95 membership includes…
Cancellation Policy
Once you have joined our group, if you select a recurring membership your membership will automatically
renew on a monthly basis. You may cancel your membership at any time. Once we have received
your cancellation, your membership will remain in effect until the last day of the 30 day billing
cycle, at which time, membership will be terminated: you will no longer have access to the site
and will incur no further charges.
Sample Postings
Following are examples of some of the previous sessions, showing how the group works:
View sample postings
Comments are welcome
Finally, we realize that the Internet communication is still in its infancy. Feedback on how
to improve our site to make it even more valuable to our members is always welcome. Please e-mail
us with your comments.
Our door is open, our hearts are warm! Please come in!
Board Policies
All participants must be 18 years or older.
While DRB Alternatives, Inc. maintains the right to enforce our policies, we are not responsible
for the content of the postings or information members share with each other. As site owner
and manager, DRB Alternatives, Inc. reserves the right to monitor this community and to delete
outdated and incongruent messages. We do not keep a library of messages.
As with any face-to-face group, members bear the responsibility for protecting their boundaries.
To join our On-Line Self-Help Support Group, please click the button below…
Shortly after registration you will receive confirmation of your chosen username and password
by e-mail, which you will need to gain access to the members area. Membership is $12.95 per month. You may cancel at any time by logging in to PayPal's web site and viewing the details of your subscription.
Through PayPal, we accept Visa, MasterCard, American Express, and Discover, as well as Visa or MasterCard debit/check cards and e-check transactions.
