An inventory of your relationship will help you organize your thoughts regarding your relationship. Try to answer these questions as honestly as you can.
1) I feel safe and secure with my partner.
2) I can tell my partner my deepest and most private thoughts.
3) I can trust my partner.
4) My partner does special things for me.
5) We make up quickly after fighting.
6) I hold grudges. I don t tell my partner when I am angry, upset or annoyed.
7) I feel left out; my partner puts the feelings of my children, parents or friends first.
8) My partner never backs me up.
9) My partner and I have different values.
10) My partner embarrasses me in public.
11) My partner and I have different sex drives; I am often frustrated and unhappy.
12) My partner and I often disagree on finances.
13) My partner and I often disagree about parenting our children.
14) My partner never holds or cuddles me.
15) My partner does not listen to me or understand how I feel.
16) My partner talks about and shares his/her day with me.
17) My partner and I spend time alone together.
Based on your answers, you may have identified areas in your relationship that need further discussion. It would be helpful to bring these issues up in couples counseling. Once these issues have been identified, it is important to figure out how situations that cause you distress can be resolved. Impasses are common and frustrating. Your therapist will provide a milieu for you to talk about these issues safely.
You can also rank the issues in the order of their importance. Have your partner do the same and see what is most important to your partner.